Kim Reynolds Declares War

I live in Iowa, which is the happiest, most fiscally sound, and best-governed state in the universe, and also the one with the most economic opportunity. In what our recently reelected governor, Kim Reynolds, calls "a world increasingly marked by chaos," it is comforting to live in a place that is so normal and right-thinking and non-threatening.

There are Iowans, and there are extra-special Iowans like our law enforcement heroes and "parents" (i.e. parents who agree with the governor), and then there are... well, I don't know what to call them, but they're everywhere, aren't they? Even in Iowa. About the only surprise one gets in Iowa is that not everyone appreciates living in this paradise. While recounting her administration's accomplishments in her annual Condition of the State address, Governor Reynolds took time to point out that these accomplishments happened despite the direst predictions of our opponents ("as expected"--just like them!), members of the media (booooo!), and "so-called experts." In the face of our excellence, that bunch characteristically resorted to "hysteria," saving their "angriest attacks" for requiring schools to be in-person during the coronavirus pandemic. When those haters goes on about overcrowded hospitals and Iowa at one point having the highest death rate in the country, we know they're just hating for the sake of their own bilious hatred. Unlike us, they don't want what's best for our children!

We plan to shift money from under-funded public schools to private schools because we want to give "every child a chance to succeed." We could address concerns like those of Darwin Lehmann, superintendent of the Central Springs and Forest City school districts, who told the Cedar Rapids Gazette--an acknowledged media outlet, I regret to say--he worried about the proposal's impacts on public schools (McCullough 2023). But we don't see concerns, only "hysteria," and we "ignore the hysteria," don't we?

Of course, this can't go without mentioning a public school teacher who sent one of her children to private school, and some of her colleagues turned their backs on her! Haters, is what they are, haters and meanyheads! "It's about our children," haters! And we can't talk about our plan to ban all abortion without mentioning Sara in the audience, whose partner left her when she changed her mind about getting an abortion. That's the sort of moral sewer our enemies live in, folks, not only wrong all the time about policy but wrong all the time about life. And children!

(By the way, Sara now counsels other women who face the same decision she did. Until we pass the law and there won't need to be decisions any more.)

The Governor announced a public awareness campaign on the dangers of the opioid fentanyl, as well as increased penalties for manufacturing and distributing fentanyl. Fentanyl comes from immigration, which comes from Mexico through "the holes in the border," which come from the Biden administration. Truly I say to you, it is what enters Iowa that defiles it. (For the record, two days before the speech, President Biden had been in El Paso, Texas, to announce new measures on immigration policy (see Ignatius 2023)).

So let us get angry, stay angry, and all will stay well in the State of Iowa. I know this, you know this, and that's all we need to know, which is why we don't need to have any interviews with pesky reporters. And whoever wrote the headline atop this post? Probably hates children. And if someone would like to know about job creation, or the pandemic, or groundwater pollution, or police oversight, or climate change that brings tornadoes in January... well, they probably hate children, too.

(swiped from http://taccle2.eu/wp/core-skills/how-do-you-feel)

SEE ALSO:

"Is Iowa Becoming Even More Republican?" 3 December 2022

"Why Should I Vote For..." 23 October 2022

"Condition of the State 2022," 11 January 2023